Last night I dreamt I had a date with Steve Martin. But he stood me up. Well, not exactly. He did call to tell me he had fallen asleep and was simply too tired to make it. He wanted a rain check but in my dream I knew it was a dream and that he had missed his chance. This was after I had prepared a phenomenal dinner for him and gotten all dressed up in a smoking hot new dress. As I went to look at myself in the mirror and said to myself, "Self, this is just a dream so, you might was well look super skinny and hot." And when I looked in the mirror that is precisely how I looked. Too bad he didn't show up. I was hoping he could give me a banjo lesson.
1 day ago